life to me now. . .

well i just got out of a really horrible relationship. i was with this guy named Eric for a few months. . .until i found out about his baby on the way. and he lashed out on me. i admit it hurts. . i was shocked. i didn't think that would ever happen to me. i havent told anyone about him or our relationship. . and now i know why.

i dont really see the point in a relationship or being tied down. i dont see the point in having a very unloyaly and dishonest boyfriend. i find it hard to just let go. . well i use to . . . until now im happy we arent together anymore he cheated on me numerous of times. im not dumb but i just never really showed it any emotion. im use to it. . isnt that weird?

hey milo i read one of your blogs where it said something about a guy treating girls like shit because their stupid and boring. . .i dont think thats what happened to me but i totally agree with you. none the less i think your so right about everything you say.

so anyway now that im talking about YOU i might as well go on. i have never met someone like you. so loving and caring. . well subtract our fall out but for some reason i love the fact that your always there for me. no matter what happens i know i can count on you. like nothing really matters when we talk about some stuff. . .i love everything about you . you know that ;)

but back to the title of this stupid blog. lifee to me now is better then ever before. i dont cry anymore. i use to cry almost everyday. any little thing just made me cry for hours of the day. im more focused on anything before. within the last two years ive basically traveled almost every where i wanted

- france
- italy
- f.l
- cali
- new york of course
- p.r
- d.r
- ecuador
- Chile
. . .all because of my job and the fashion stuff.
except for Chile that was probably the best place ive been its really sad how much they go through over there in South America but i enjoyed myself.

i use to be this little depressing and sad person but ever since i got my head back in the books i left so much shit where it needs to stay. . . in the past.
i dont bring up my lovley ex dying a few days before my birthday anymore - i think about it but not as much. my mom dying right before my eyes. and my little brother always in and out of the hospital hes fine tho. & most of all how much my family and i are separated. less contact everywhere. the little things i look forward to now brings me so much joy and happiness. and im fine with that. im sure theres someone out there for me. someone who will understand me. . . but im waiting now. when im done with school and get my degree in nursing i'll be settled down or something. but for now. im just living like i should be. its my last year as a teenager i need to do as much as possible.

- Ash.